Relationships & Friendships: Emotionally, They Are Indeed Similar (Throwback Thursday)

As life continues on, we [hopefully] mature, our priorities change, and we meet and establish new friendships as well as watch some deteriorate. For many of us, we also find ourselves searching for love or have established it, but in return was given a broken heart. You may have found or find yourself putting so much effort into making the relationship work because you feel like you’ve invested so much of your time and no one else deserves that person in your mind. You continuously have thoughts about the great moments you had with that person and how well you both connected, learned each others likes/dislikes, and even fought, but at the end of the day you two were there for each other. If you really sit and think about it, some of those same moments you find yourself experiencing in a relationship, you experience in a friendship as well.

It is certain that change is inevitable, but in my opinion there are some things that don’t necessarily have to change. They can evolve. A good friend of mines said, “Some things you can’t control in life, but control the things you can.” I most certainly agree with this quote! I believe it applies to both friendships and relationships. Let me provide you with a few examples.

At the beginning of many friendships and relationships, you may find yourself on the phone with the person a lot, making time to see one another, having fun doing absolutely “nothing,” learning about one another and expressing your every emotion to the person. As the months or years go by, you experience several events that you couldn’t have handled on your own [the friend or boyfriend/girlfriend was there for support], and when it was the other way around you did the same. At this point, you’re thinking this is “forever” and I can trust this person.

Then there comes a moment when you find yourself constantly texting and/or calling the person, no reply. In your time of need, they are nowhere to be found, BUT as soon as something “horrible” happens in their life you’re there for them at any time of the day/night. You observe how you guys no longer go out or do the same things as before and when you do, things just aren’t the same. The conversations have long and uncomfortable pauses, both of you are on your phone the entire time and an array of other things.

You begin to think to yourself, “I know I’m not the only one who knows things are changing.” So you bring it to the person’s attention. You both then agree that in order for things to go back to the way they were or to get better, you both needed to make an effort. At the end of the day, you find yourself making all the phone calls, sending all the texts and always finding ways to spend time with the person.
It is true, as we grow things change in our lives and our relationships with people also change. You may not have enough time to go out like you used to, or talk on the phone as much, but there are ways of allowing relationships to evolve into something that works for both people and not let unnecessary changes occur. It is a shame when you text or call the person and don’t get an answer, but as soon as you log on to Facebook or twitter you see their status changes are done from their mobile phone.

Now for some people, it’s easy for them to get the picture and to just simply “cut” the person off. But for others, they continue to think about the good times and don’t want to let go because of the things they experienced with the person. You become tired emotionally in either a friendship or relationship when you’re always wondering will things go back to normal.

There are signs and actions that these people give us that clearly shows us that keeping a healthy friendship or relationship is the last thing they are thinking about. We have to learn how to re-evaluate situations and really think about are we hurting while this person is out “doing them?” Are you being a better friend, girlfriend/boyfriend than they are being? Ask yourself these questions and more.

It comes to a point where we have to understand that some relationships and friendships were formed specifically at a time in our lives for us to grow and have the person there in that time period. It’s easier said than done, but if you’re constantly trying to make a friendship/relationship work and there has been no changes or more importantly progress, it’s not worth your time. Sometimes it takes for you to actually let go, or to not care for the person to truly realize your worth and come to YOU. Once you realize your worth first, that same person will realize it as well in the future and the next person after that. Stop running around trying to catch your tail, it’s behind you for a reason. You may find yourself getting close to catching it, but it is very rare that you will. On a dog, he is able to see and depend on his limbs, nose, eyes, etc. But his tail is behind him. He knows it’s their and may pay it some attention from time to time, but there is so much in front of him and beside him that he doesn’t focus on what’s behind him. Look at what’s in front of you and whose beside you. What’s behind you will always be BEHIND you if you let it stay there instead of chasing after it.

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Love, Mommy…

April 21, 2020, my husband and I experienced the loss of who we knew was our first born son, Jamir Titan Gurley. As I share my thoughts and feelings, he will be known as TJ and/or Titan.
My hope and prayer for this space is for it to be therapeutic not only for myself, but other women who've experienced pregnancy and/or baby loss. My goal is to build a genuine community where women who were unfortunately thrusted into this life truly find comfort and know they aren't alone. I'm no expert, and I won't pretend to be.

11 thoughts on “Relationships & Friendships: Emotionally, They Are Indeed Similar (Throwback Thursday)”

  1. This is great advice. I agree, friendships can feel a lot like relationships. One of the biggest heartbreaks I ever experienced was when my (ex) best friend betrayed me. I swear, it hurt more than an actual break up. I don’t have any regrets about my past friendships though. Like you said, “what’s behind you will always be behind you!” Lesson learned. 😊

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