Trial and Error: At What Point Does Taking Risks Become a Sign of Crazy? (Throwback Thursday)

A lot of us have gone through a series of relationships where the outcome has either been good or bad. We are told that relationships have ups and downs, and in order for your relationship to be strong it has to withstand the hard times. For many people, they’ve heard this speech non-stop in each relationship they have ever been in. I call this, trial and error. We break down walls, do things we said we’d never do, and accept a lot of flaws out of the person we are in the relationship with for many trials. At some point the relationship hits a bump; an error.
It is true, no real relationship is strong without experiencing struggle, but at what point are we considered crazy for remaining in a relationship hoping for a different outcome? Many people describe the definition of crazy as the act of repeating something over and over expecting a different result. Although there has been no thorough research to prove this definition true, it makes perfect sense when thinking about relationships.
When are we labeled crazy for trying over and over again to make a relationship work? When are we labeled crazy for going back to a person that we say makes us endure pain or hurt that we never thought we’d experience? When is it smart to say, “ok, this relationship wasn’t meant to be?”
As a female, I can honestly say that we are extremely emotional. If it hasn’t been proven scientifically, it’s a known fact among us; PERIOD! So when it comes to letting go of the person who we have given our all to and fell in love with, it’s almost impossible. To avoid letting the person go, we use the excuse of taking a risk and trying the relationship again. It’s easier said than done, but at the end of the day you HAVE to let him go. There comes a point when you realize that going back isn’t giving you any positive results.
In relationships, both partners have to except the person and their inequalities (flaws). Some things a person just can’t change, it’s who they are and you learn to love those things that used to annoy you. If you’re in a relationship that progresses each time you get back together, in my opinion you’re not crazy! That’s what I can say is good sign of trial and error. I compare that to a child learning to shoot a basketball. They may be horrible at it in the beginning, but the more they try, the better they get and they eventually get the ball in the hoop. Afterward that child grows to learn more about basketball, tries harder to learn other shots and tricks, and usually gets the ball in the hoop each time they try. On some occasions they may have a bad day or game and miss a few shots, but they get it together the next time.
On the other hand, you have those who get back in relationships where they face the same problems each time they go back to the person. They hope to fix the problem or even change the person each time, but it doesn’t work. They are, I say, “repeating an act, hoping to get a different result” when they know what the ending result will be… a FAILED relationship.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with making changes to better your relationship or even experiencing pain or hurt that you would have never thought you would feel in a million years, but the relationship needs to be worth the fight and worth the changes you make.  I compare this form of trial and error to the “crazy” child who knows that no matter how many times they touch the stove they will be burned. The child continues to touch the burner believing that eventually they wont feel the pain any longer. The pain doesn’t alleviate, it only leaves the child in pain and with a permanent scar.
Let’s get pass coming home to a relationship that we know isn’t going to get any better. There is an old saying, “If it’s meant to be, then it WILL be.” You have to believe in that and yourself. Don’t let yourself go “crazy” while the other person is enjoying watching you try to run away while they have you on a leash. They know that you can’t and wont go anywhere.


Published by

Love, Mommy…

April 21, 2020, my husband and I experienced the loss of who we knew was our first born son, Jamir Titan Gurley. As I share my thoughts and feelings, he will be known as TJ and/or Titan.
My hope and prayer for this space is for it to be therapeutic not only for myself, but other women who've experienced pregnancy and/or baby loss. My goal is to build a genuine community where women who were unfortunately thrusted into this life truly find comfort and know they aren't alone. I'm no expert, and I won't pretend to be.

2 thoughts on “Trial and Error: At What Point Does Taking Risks Become a Sign of Crazy? (Throwback Thursday)”

  1. I can’t believe you wrote this eight years ago! I was never this wise back then lol. I’ve had my share of crazy relationships and at the end of the day it’s so draining! I refuse to be in that space ever again. Great piece!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s