Tired Of Being On Layaway

I was talking to my cousin the other day about some personal life choices she planned on making. She expressed how she finally knew her worth and intended on treating herself better when it came to relationships and more. She said,

“I’m tired of being on layaway and putting people on layaway. Where people can hold onto me, put in occasional deposits and then walk away until they’re ready to make another deposit.”

That statement hit me like ton of bricks. It was so powerful. It was so true. True on so many levels.  I added by saying,

“The thing with layaway is that you have the choice to stop making deposits and leave it at the store. However, you won’t get your money back from the store. You will never get back the time and emotion you’ve used dealing with people.”

When I finished talking to her, our conversation continued to replay in my head.  I then began to think about how putting things on layaway and being put on layaway is not only true when it comes to relationships. I thought about situations where I occasionally put a deposit into it, but never fully committed. Goals, ideas, self-care, activities with my children, my husband… ME.

I can’t even begin to list the countless goals that I’ve set, only to make small deposits and then walk away. One being a healthier lifestyle. I continue to be inconsistent with my diet and working out. I’ll do great for a week or two and then fall off. I have a long list of things on my “to-do list” with my husband that I haven’t committed to as well. Of course, it takes two to get the job done in marriage, but I know my husband. If I don’t follow through, most likely he will forget. I’ll spend all month (or two) that he’s gone, making plans, getting them in order, and then once he gets home all I want to do is sleep and relax in the house. I know for a fact it’s because I finally get a break with the kids, and I actually sleep when he’s home. The thing is, once he leaves for work again, it’ll be a while before I get that time with him again. My time to experience life outside the house with him expired because I didn’t follow through.

With layaway, not only do you have the choice to stop paying on your items, but the store can also take back the items because you stopped making your deposits. Your time to get those things have expired. Opportunities expire every moment we choose not to take action. You don’t always get the choice to jump back on board with something or someone when you feel like it. It’ll be gone when you get back to it.

How many friends have you neglected, and now the friendship no longer exists? Kept dropping in only to ask for something. How many times have you given that guy a chance, had sex with him over and over again KNOWING he wasn’t the one? You’ll never get your time back. You deposited an unnecessary amount of emotions and your body into someone who decided a long time ago that they no longer wanted you. Layaway smh…

I gave myself the example of house shopping. Try putting a house on layaway or not acting on it as soon as you see it. Before you know it, it’s under contract and sold to another buyer. If it’s something at a store you know you truly desire, you would never put it on hold or in layaway. You’d purchase it right away so that you won’t miss the opportunity to have it in the future. You’re anxious to have it and can’t wait to walk out of the store with it. You don’t want anyone else to have the opportunity to have the thing you wanted so bad.

Of course there are times where you may not be in a position to grab ahold of your desire. But if you really want it, you’ll make an effort to save up and prepare for your purchase. You put it on your vision board and remind yourself daily what you’re working toward. That’s how we oughta view our goals and relationships. Maybe you want a certain job but need more experience or a higher degree. Well, if you really want it, you’re gonna do everything in your power to get that position. If there’s a girl or guy you want to be in a relationship with, and you’re not quite ready, you don’t just sit around and not work on yourself. You constantly take strides in order to be the man or woman you need to be for that person.

Just like items and opportunities, we have an expiration date on our lives; most of us don’t know when that is. Don’t let another day go past where you don’t fully commit to your goals, or continue to let someone make occasional deposits into your life. Don’t die only having made deposits into your goals or people you care about. Fully commit!

I’m already working on it. 🙂

Published by

Love, Mommy…

April 21, 2020, my husband and I experienced the loss of who we knew was our first born son, Jamir Titan Gurley. As I share my thoughts and feelings, he will be known as TJ and/or Titan.
My hope and prayer for this space is for it to be therapeutic not only for myself, but other women who've experienced pregnancy and/or baby loss. My goal is to build a genuine community where women who were unfortunately thrusted into this life truly find comfort and know they aren't alone. I'm no expert, and I won't pretend to be.

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