Comfort Zone: Contentment vs. Complacency

I recently shared on Instagram that I’ve been going through an ongoing season where the lesson has been to “go through the process in order to grow through the process.” As of lately I’ve been receiving several signs telling me it’s time to step out of my comfort zone in addition to growing through the process.

I read something that said “Your comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows from it.” I immediately said “yasssss” and took a screenshot. But when I thought about it more, I had a different outlook on that statement. I believe that our comfort zone can be both positive or negative. It can either be a place of contentment or complacency. For example, if one has a career as a singer and doesn’t want to pursue an acting career as well, I consider that being content. If you have found your niche and know what works for you, being in your comfort zone is a positive thing. Where I find the negative is when you remain in your comfort zone out of fear or you lack ambition to move forward. You desire a change, but you’re complacent because you’re stuck in a place of fear, or refuse to leave your place of normalcy. You make excuses as to why you can’t move forward, and keep putting things off to a later date. My biggest fear was rejection. I wouldn’t apply for certain jobs, share ideas, heck I didn’t blog for years out of fear.

I’m taking time to think about how I got to that place, and here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

– I allowed my place of contentment to evolve into complacency.

– I let motherhood be an excuse for me to not go after what I wanted.

– I compared myself and my journey to other people.

– I let my own insecurities and lack of confidence darken my thoughts on how I would be received by others.

And the list goes on…

What I’ve found important on this journey is fueling my soul with books, podcasts, music, women, etc. that will continue to motivate and push me in the right direction. So often we believe that those things have little value, but they can nourish your soul when used correctly. I’ve connected with many womenpreneurs/mompreneurs through Instagram alone. I can only imagine what my network will look like once I step out of my comfort zone and shake hands with other successful women and men. I’ve signed up for webinars, conferences and attended personal events in order to get myself moving and to keep myself moving. Surrounding myself with people and tools that will support me on my journey to living in my purpose is vital. Over the years,  my circle has become small, but I have learned that I have to expand that circle in order to meet like-minded individuals that will nurture my road to true growth. I want to be around people I will learn from, people who inspire me to level up. Making those changes have already yielded positive results.

As I stated earlier, I used motherhood as an excuse to not go after my dreams. Instead of using it as my fuel and motivation, I used it as a scapegoat. I didn’t want to face the fact that I really didn’t know what direction to go in anymore. After quitting my job, being a wife and mother were the only things I knew how to do. Many of my close friends are not mothers, so I found myself solely talking motherhood with my mother, mother-in-law and other older women. It’s beautiful to hear from wise women who are experienced, but I needed to be with other moms my age. Other wives my age. I became proactive and joined a few ministries at church in addition to all that I’m doing for my career. My family will always be my first priority so I want to make sure I have support from women who are juggling being a wife, mother, and  keeper’s of their homes successfully.

I don’t expect my journey to be smooth the entire time. After all, it is a process and I have to grow through it right? I wouldn’t say this is a how-to blog per se, but I hope this helps at least one person. We can’t allow our comfort zone to cripple us when it comes to going after our desires. Whether it be a weight loss goal, moving to a new area, career goals, family goals and more, you have to make the choice to truly go after it. What I will never do is rush. I am a firm believer of never moving forward unless you have God’s peace. I had all confidence in what God wanted to use me for, but still didn’t move because I was frozen by fear. I had to push through it.

I’ve found myself battling with balancing getting sleep and doing the work needed to grow my brand(s). I’m still breastfeeding my six-month-old on demand, and sleeping through the night doesn’t seem like it will be happening any time soon. Finding that balance has been key for me; when I actually get it right. There are some days when I haven’t slept at all, but I got some work done. Others, I’ve finally taken naps and caught up on sleep, but I didn’t get as much work completed. What I’m proud of is that I no longer bash myself when I don’t get it right. I acknowledge my growth and effort, but take note on the actions that need improvement.

 

My first blog post was about being lazy versus procrastinating. Internally I feel like I’ve been lazy, but I’m famous for mom-shaming myself. I’m confident I’ve been procrastinating. Putting off reading, working out, starting a business, going out having fun, etc. I feel like I’ve been delaying my life for the past year. I’m challenging myself to make some changes. I am my daughters first example of a woman, and I don’t want them to witness their mother afraid to live life.  My oldest daughter is already watching my every move.

Time to step out of my comfort zone so that I may blossom!  Cheers to dropping the lame excuses and getting sh*t done!

#QUEEN

 

Procrastinator: Laziness vs. Fear

Hi… My name is Tiana, and I procrastinate. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem right? For a while I thought it was okay to identify myself as a procrastinator because I worked so well under pressure. Throughout high school and college, I was able to produce quality assignments and projects at the very last-minute. If I was able to do that on a consistent basis, that meant procrastinating wasn’t THAT bad, I just had to be good at it. As I reflect on those years, I can chalk it up to being lazy, misplaced priorities and having poor time management. Don’t get me wrong, I was definitely a busy student, but there is absolutely no excuse for having two weeks to complete a 10 page research paper and choosing to start and finish it the day before it is due.

It wasn’t until I had my first child where I realized that I no longer wanted to work under pressure. Too much pressure began to cause anxiety and increased my level of worry. I no longer produced high quality results under pressure. Everything became mediocre. I would create a long list of short and long-term goals and procrastinate on achieving them. But something changed. I no longer operated out of pure laziness. Fear had tip toed its way into my way of thinking and heart. I would put off working out because I was afraid I wouldn’t see results and fail at it… I would put off applying for certain jobs because I feared rejection… I would delay having important conversations with my husband because I feared how he would respond. All of that was piled on top of my procrastinating (laziness) when it was time to clean, wash clothes, and more!

It has been six years since I gave birth to my first daughter and I still struggle with procrastination. Today,  my husband actually checked me and held me accountable. I was telling him about what I wanted to blog about and he said “let me ask you something, why haven’t you started writing yet?” I hesitated when responding because I really had to think about what I would say. I said “well I’m still trying to finalize a name for it and I didn’t know if I should pay for the blog or leave it as is.” This man has known me since I was 10 years old, so of course he was able to read between the bullsh*t. He then said “that doesn’t stop you from at least putting your thoughts and words on paper. And who cares about a name? You can change it at any time.” My response… “You’re right, I have no excuse.”  And here I am today. Writing my blog after five years of delay.

Do you procrastinate? What things have you or do you continue to put off doing? Have you identified the root of your procrastination? I’ll end with this… What if God delayed blessing you because He feared you wouldn’t be grateful? Or what if He didn’t answer your prayers because He simply didn’t feel like it at the moment and put it off until the last-minute? Intense right? I had to ask myself these same questions because I realized I was procrastinating using the gifts that God had given me. So I challenge you to fold those clothes that you washed a week ago… get up on that first alarm… go to the gym NOW, don’t wait until the “New Year, New Me” season… start that business… go back to school… have that talk with your husband… be an example for your child(ren). You are a queen, and you are equipped with the tools to push pass your laziness and fear!

Deuteronomy 23:21 NKJV

“When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you.”